It was a day unlike any other, to be sure.  There I was, just another cog in society’s wheel, spinning in its endless Monday through Friday, nine-to-five drivel.  But blessed I was to have a Wednesday off.  Good God – a Wednesday, Hump Day.  What kind of adventure could I find myself in while my peers were still at work?

A tab of acid could heal the world, I’d once told myself, if only ever all of earth’s good people could just drop a tab for once.  That must have been what I told myself when I convinced myself that taking a tab and heading to our Glorious City would be a good idea.  The idea had been tested before, so the plan was clear: I’d ingest the psychedelic, I’d head to my museum of choice and trip balls, I’d have a grand ol’ time.  

And so I placed the lovely printed square below my tongue while I prepared a lunch to eat before the start of my adventure.  After letting the square sit in my mouth for a bit, I soon swallowed the whole tab, and ate my Chinese food.  

And so it began.

At just eighteen minutes post ingestion, the walls began to ripple in a not so gentle fashion.  I swallowed my food.  Suddenly I wasn’t hungry, and the strong smell of Chinese vinegar made me feel sick.

“Are you ready to go?” asked my father.  That’s right, I had asked him to drop me off at BART.  Shit.

I grabbed my bag and headed out the door.  The air was cool and crisp.  The sun felt warm on my skin, despite the recent drop in temperature.  As I walked to my car, the brightness of the sun began to overwhelm me.  The colors of the surrounding trees seemed to blur.

Luckily I wasn’t driving.  I lived less than ten minutes from the BART station, but once I got in the car, the drive seemed to drag on and on, what with my father always slow at the wheel, and his seemingly endless banter on recent changes in the neighborhood, and uh, the whole acid thing.

I couldn’t formulate any acceptable responses to his conversation.  My vision seemed to blur even more in the moving vehicle.  I began to feel extremely overstimulated from my surroundings, and became increasingly nauseous from the motion of the car.  I was beyond disoriented, and it was a complete mindfuck.

As soon as we reached the BART station, I told my father in a very weak voice that I wasn’t feeling quite right, and changed my mind about going to the city.  I’d like to go back home now, please.

It was a strange request, but, well, it was me, and so… We headed home and again, the ride seemed to take ages.  I announced to my father that I was to retire to my bed, right uh, now.  I then headed straight for the shower, for some reason convinced that I needed to be clean (I often joke about not showering, but in my recollection I had already started the day squeaky clean.  Acid is a bitch though, and quite frankly, can make you do crazy things.).

I hopped in the shower and proceeded to vomit everywhere.  As I kneeled on my knees on the shower floor puking, the narrow walls of the shower seemed to overtake me.  Rather than seeing the details of the wall’s white tiles, I saw an assortment of lit up geometric shapes.  Shards of rainbows seemed to drip out of the water, dripping onto me.  Whoa.

This. Is. Too. Fucking. Much.  At least that’s what I wanted to say.  I could barely think tangible thoughts at this point, as I became more and more disoriented.

The next half hour or so was a complete blur.  I made the slightest attempt to clean up the vomit. My clothes were now strewn across the bathroom floor, wet and soggy from the water dripping off my naked body as I struggled to figure out what to do with a towel.  What is towel?

Back and forth I paced, from the bathroom to my bedroom.  I’d collapse in the bed, roll around to try to calm down, only to be launched across three universes with every movement.  Close your eyes and calm down, a voice told myself, but with every held blink came a flash of colors and patterns so intense I’d beg my body to open its poor eyes again.  

It sounds kind of fucking cool now I guess, but at the time it was frightening, the whole onset just happened too damn fast.  My nausea became worse and worse, because too many fucking colors and shit.

And so I’d be out of bed again, pacing, from my wet, puke-filled bathroom to my bedroom and eventually to my connected backyard hammock.  I’d then toss and turn there, return to my bed to toss and turn some more, and back to the shower to get “clean”.  But oh hell, the colors and rollercoaster feeling of twisting through so many goddamn rainbow geometric shapes continued.

Eventually, I couldn’t take that shit anymore and figured out how to call a friend.  Just being in his presence helped me stay grounded in reality, and the rest of my trip was pleasant.

I’ve tripped many times, but this one was one for the books.  Never have I felt such a quick onset.  Stupidly, I had made myself my own guinea pig with this new stuff.

Would I do it again?  You better believe your ass I would, and will.  But I think I owe my mind a long break, and next time, I’d do maybe just a fourth of that tab.

Acid: it’s one hell of a drug.